David, Thou Art Fabuous

It's father's day!  And what a fabulous daughter am I:  Instead of showering my daddy with singing Hallmark cards and mugs that say "World's Best Dad", I was at the fabulous David Sedaris's book signing. 

For those of you who don't know who David Sedaris is, he is the author of six New York Times best-selling novels:  Barrel Fever, Naked, Holidays on Ice, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and When You Are Engulfed in Flames.  These hilarious novels are composed of side-clenching-ly funny stories of Sedaris's life which include his Greek upbringing, his ordeal with obsessive-compulsive disorder, speech therapy for his lisp, working as an elf at Macy's during Christmas and living in Paris with his boyfriend Hugh.

So, this morning, my mom and I ventured to The Bookworm.  Then, through stacks of Martha Stewart cookbooks, we saw him.  Dressed in a clean-cut button-down and a pastel-striped tie, he sat at the worn desk in the home-making section.  Though soon he relocated to the front of the store, where he read excerpts from his new book. Everyone was laughing hysterically, especially at his hilarious account of purchasing marijuana in his teen years from a couple who embodied everyone's idea of a trailer-trash couple selling drugs out of their RV. After about an hour of laughs, Sedaris was led back to his desk, where he began to sign books.  My mom and I were fifth in line, clutching four copies of the same book (I know, we might as well have written "nerd" on our foreheads).  Finally, it was our turn. There he was, chomping down on a "Engulfed In Flames Hotdog" from the bakery across the street.  "Hello!" I said, wondering if I was supposed to speak.  He looked up from his relish-coated feast and said, "I admire your confidence!  You just came right up and said hello."  Isn't that normal? Aren't you supposed to greet people with a pleasant hello?  Anyway, coming from David Sedaris, I felt as though I was being told I was the equivalent of Jesus.  He opened my copy of When You Are Engulfed in Flames.

"Are you Anne?" he asked, looking down at the crinkled Post-It note with my name on it.  

"Yep!" I said.  

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen."  

He then pulled a metallic-blue bracelet from a box of random knick-knacks, I could of sworn I saw a condom.  He handed it to me.

"I like to give my teenaged readers gifts."

"Thank you so much!"

"Are you out of school for the summer?"

"Yep."

"Got a job?"

"Nope - Well, I did.  I actually have done some voice-over work for cartoons."

"What cartoon?"

"Strawberry Shortcake."

"Really!  Who were you?"

"Oh, one of Strawberry's friends, Carmel Corn.  The farmer in poverty, pretty sad stuff."

"Say something in your voice."

I hated talking about my cartoon job, but this was David Sedaris, I would have read his whole book in my Carmel Corn voice for him.

"What should I say?"

"Say 'Strawberry, I was up all last night crying!"

I said my line, then yet another scripted by Sedaris.  All the while during my performance, he sat there eating his second hot dog, laughing.  The whole line behind me was giggling at my performance.  

"That was really great!  You have the perfect voice for that!"

If I thought being complemented on the way I said "Hello" was a big deal, you can imagine I nearly fainted with joy at this.  Then, Sedaris finally got to signing our books!

My God, I adore this man.  Ergo, David, thou art fabulous!

Tune of the Day:  Bowl Of Oranges by Bright Eyes

Infinite Xs and Os,

Supercalifashionista